Hey look, the desert!

Hello Moab!

Adventures in bike riding...

Rock collecting...

Princess saving...

Car riding...

Car writing...

Picture posing...

Little girls' picture taking...

Pizza eating...

Hot chocolate drinking...

And stories that are most amusing to those present, but that are just as funny for me to read again now...

We played the license plate game. It was really annoying for a while because it seemed that every other car we saw was Colorado. We finally opted to stop being annoyed with Colorado and count them instead. Between our hotel and Arches National Park, we counted 74 Colorado license plates. In a space of less than ten miles. Not in Colorado. We found 119 on our drive home. Together, that makes 193. That's a prime number.

As seen here, Jane was having a very spirited conversation with no one visible to me. Knowing that she often talks to her imaginary friends, I asked her which friends were there this time.

"I'm talking to Megan's friends now. My friends all died in the pool."

Sad day.

I was responsible for picking up all the pizzas for the entire group--roughly 30 people. While we waited FOREVER in the Pizza Hut parking lot because they weren't ready even though we had ordered the night before, we were lucky enough to catch this shot.

I have the coolest van ever. It can count in binary.

But that's not even the part I really want to write about. The absolute highlight of this trip, to be remembered for many, many years to come, was our hike up to Delicate Arch.

(I borrowed this picture from the internet because I was too distracted to take any myself while we were there. You'll understand why shortly.)

The hike is about a mile and a half one-way. The first third is fairly level, with a gravel-ish path heading toward the mountain. The second third is really steep, covering a terrain of exposed slickrock (same kind of stuff the arch is made of). The last third is not quite as steep--though certainly not flat--but it is much more rough footing. The trail follows a fairly steep drop-off on one side and navigates around the side of the rock face that hides the arch from view.

We had come prepared with hiking backpacks for each of the three kids. We were hiking around sunset, and thus anticipated both that it would be dark on our way back down and that the girls would be tired. I had hope that the girls would both be able to walk up, but planned that we would carry them both down. Ben, obviously, would be carried the entire time.

I started out with Ben. Amy and Chris were both there, but due to knee injuries and other such health issues, neither of them were able to carry children for very long. Jane walked. Megan walked as long as we thought we could get away with it, then Amy carried her for a bit. Amy had to put her down after a while, though, and Megan was highly opposed to walking at this point. We had reached the super steep part of the trail, we had reached bedtime, and we had most definitely reached the limit of Megan's happiness. She screamed. And cried. And screamed.

Megan was basically inconsolable in that moment--unless I picked her up. If I was carrying her, she only whimpered and whined instead of screamed. I knew we wouldn't be able to make it up to the top with her walking, and I knew Chris and Amy weren't able to carry her. Everyone else had started the hike several minutes before us. That left me.

With Ben on my back and Megan in my arms, I hiked up and over the slickrock trail to Delicate Arch.

I did have some help from a stranger passing by. He was traveling with a group who hailed from all over the world. I never heard what country he was originally from, but they had most recently visited Aberdeen, Scotland before coming to Utah. He carried Megan on his shoulders for a short time while I walked next to him and held her hand, but again, it didn't last terribly long. Megan was completely freaked out by the stranger, even more than she had been before. For probably two-thirds of the hike--almost a mile, completely uphill, literally!--I carried an extra sixty pounds.

In a word, it was amazing.

I cannot remember a time when I have ever felt so powerful and so capable and so happy. I actually imagine that it is similar to the feeling when many women give birth, but I have not had that feeling at that time due to the rough circumstances in which my children were born. To feel that way now, such a short time after being completely entrenched in a huge battle with PPD and PTSD, is nothing short of a miracle.

So much about myself has changed in the last month. I have come to understand myself in ways that I never even imagined were possible, or even real. I feel so much closer to each of my children, and I have great hope for the children yet to come. I have completely fallen in love with Christopher all over again. And most importantly, I feel my Savior's love in a way that I never, ever have before. I understand now how He feels for me and that is the most empowering feeling I've ever had. It is absolutely astonishing what can be accomplished when you get out of your own way and see yourself the way the Lord sees you.

Coming over the crest at the top of the trail, Delicate Arch coming in to full view, was one of the single most triumphant moments of my life. Knowing that I had the physical, mental and emotional fortitude to climb that mountain and knowing that I can and will do absolutely anything necessary to keep my children with me and happy has made all the difference for me. It was a huge breakthrough in my journey toward healing--my journey toward freedom, peace, and joy. This was my experience of pure joy.

I felt powerful enough that when we got back to the hotel, I had Amy take a picture of me to capture my pure joy.

I also thought my shirt was ironically amusing.

This experience has a lot to do with what I learned in Power of Choice, and what I am continuing to do in Power 90. I'll post more about that in a few days, but if you're interested in some of the things I've been thinking and doing so far, you can read more about my Power 90 journey here.

Oh, friends, that hike to Delicate Arch was so amazing. So powerful. So spiritual.

Even with two children screaming right next to my head, a rolled ankle that still hurts, and massive wind gusts that threw sand in our eyes and hair, it is still at the very top of my most favorite experiences ever. Sigh. It was so great.

I'll leave it at all. I could go on and on about how great it was--wait, I've already done that. Suffice it to say, I haven't felt that happy in a very, very long time.

Kind of like how Amy looks.