Thursday, February 16, 2012

Pause before Part III: In which I reflect and ask a question

I have received quite the response to my first two posts about depression. Again, I thank you all for your kind words and caring concern for me and my family. It is greatly appreciated. I know that I have not personally responded to many of you who have sent me private messages and emails. Please know that I have read them all (several times!) and I feel for you. I do hope to write personal responses eventually, but I’ve learned to not expect too much out of myself…so please don’t be hurt if you haven’t heard back from me.

And let me again reiterate that I am doing well now. I had several phone calls after my last post from friends concerned that I am still very much in the middle of the worst—that’s just not the case. No, I am not all better, and yes, I still have bad days, but for the most part, I am managing quite well and continue to move on past the worst of it. Perhaps even more importantly, I know now how to recognize when I need help and I will ask for it. So no worries. Please. J

Chris says that I repeat myself often if there is something that’s on my mind a lot. (Well, he doesn’t say that so much as “You already told me that.”) I apologize in advance if I write something to this same effect every time I post another part of my story. Ha.

I’ve been considering for a while now (before I wrote Part II) what order I want to tell my story in. There are so many different pieces that I feel deserve sincere attention. I also find a significant amount of healing in writing those pieces, though it can be very difficult for me.  My debate comes in what order to post things. I want it to make sense, but then I have the whole picture in my head (since I lived through it) and I have a hard time knowing what will make sense to those who haven’t heard any of it.

Basically, it comes down to a decision that I’ve made to write a book instead of just a string of blog posts. That way, I can elaborate as much as I choose without necessarily posting it on the internet, and I can rearrange chapters however I choose once they are all written. No real thought of publishing or anything, I just needed a structure that makes real sense to me in which to write.

If you haven’t picked up on it, writing this story has become very, very important to me.

Having already posted two parts, I know that there are many people who want and even need to hear my story. I am absolutely willing to share. I just don’t know how to go about it in a way that will be understandable to those of you out there who do still want to read, and yet still be useful for me in writing it.

That’s kind of vague—that’s what happens when you get stuck inside my head.

My question, then, is what do you want to know? Without already knowing the details, what parts of the story do you wonder about? What might be helpful for you, if that’s what you’re going for in reading?

I really am interested in getting feedback on this one. I fully intend to write a book one way or the other, but as far as blogging, I’d like to have a little help in choosing a direction. Please leave a comment, or send me a message.

And Britta, I’m waiting and pins and needles for that email!


Cindy St. Clair said...

I'd really like to hear how it affected you, your family, and what steps you took/are taking to come through the other side. A coherent plot line really isn't necessary :) I think we all just want to know whatever you're willing to share!

Natasha Gwynn said...

I'd like to know how you realized you had a problem, how you initially coped with that realization and how you got to the point you acted on the need for help (if once you figured out that you had a problem you didn't just rush out for help). And what specifically you did/are doing in your journey to heal?

Naomi said...

I personally feel like you should tell everything in a chronological fashion. And I mean everything. Not to satiate curiosity but because people will relate the more brutally honest you are. People want and need to know that they aren't alone. Complete honesty is endearing, and is why people love fictional characters so much. We relate to them, fatal flaws and all :)
I think it's wonderful you are doing this!

Michael said...

I think you should write about what your situation was personally to you. Things like how day to day activities were different and what you did or tried to do to feel normal. I want to know more about what started all of this, I know Ben's birth plays a role, but I'm not really creating a real cause and effect relationship in my mind (sorry to back track with that). I also wanna know how you looked so in control of things all the time. Oh and this is Amanda by the way.