Clevelandisms

You can't go through much of life without something getting broke.

Look, we're gonna make more fish.

That's a whole different connotation if you're not talking about picnic tables and dice.

The wind undid your fours.

My brain doesn't work in circles at night.

Why were we praying yesterday?

It's like you're together, but you're not.

I don't want to make it seem like I'm trying to get written down.

Laura, go to bed. Or...wake up.

Uno! Uno!

I'll kick you under the table.

I didn't bite your gace.

Cause that would be really funny while you're giving birth...UNO!

He's WAY asleep in his tent.

You're not dead, right?

Am I bouncing the whole bench?

Guru! Guru! Guru!

You have a ladybug on your hat.

I'm gonna choose not to write that down.

You still have a ladybug on your hat.

What if he gets eaten by a deer?

Go stand outside. Don't get hit by a car.

We forgot to premedicate him and he was NOT happy.

So how's life smoking again?

He likes to eat twice a day.

You know the implications of that, don't you Mother?

If he gets hit by a car, euthanize him.

It's a parasite that gives you the runs. The squirts. Brown rain.

It's in the tote. Everything's in the tote.

Nobody appreciates you.

This is not an exclusive blogging relationship.

You guys are putting dirty thoughts in my mind.

Stop touching my stuff.

This is the cleanest we've kept ours. I'm impressed.

What are your views on chewing tobacco?

You have a ladybug on your shoulder now.

Michael, are you peeing over there?

They can't all be female.

What!? Bug's Life is inaccurate??

Legerdemain. Trickery or Sean Connery.

I spewed contagion all over you.

Don't look over my shoulder and laugh.

How could he protect anything? He can't even bark. I'm pretty sure he'd just pee and run away.

You don't have any friends.

Tonsil tag. It's like kissing tag but high stakes.

I don't know what I'm doing but I'm wandering around doing it.

Foam happens. Like poop happens.

You missed. It ran away.

I'm not wearing any pants.

Ivan is all-terrain. Just like his stroller.

Give me my ring back. I don't want to lose all my powers.

Do you like to drink it or hold it?

I woke up surrounded by blue light.

You were being abducted by aliens.

He's sunbathing in terror.

It was a carbonated mountain spring. I came up bubbling right from the ground.

That's littering.

Not if Heather picks it up.

We can't go in the tent. Hey, we can go play in the dirt.

I just compared your baby to Hitler. How does that make you feel?

Turn around and say cool.

Some racism goin' on over here.

What are you doing?

Making you nervous.

Would you not breathe on me?!

Did you just drool on me?

I didn't try to.

That was wrong.

I know.

Ow.

I feel the same way about my head.

Sorting works the brain.

She's just jealous because it's more than she grows.

That doesn't make sense.

If you look at it in this light it does.

My goal for tomorrow is to capture a squirrel or chipmunk and fish roast it. How are you at throwing rocks?

What do I look like? A goat?

So I was in this hurricane.

I'm trying to win so this game will end and we can go to bed.

Don't say anything else. I'm out of paper.