Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Please, allow me

I need to whine for a minute. Today, and all this week, I don't like being pregnant. A few of my grievances are...

I can't breathe. My lungs are squished, and there's nothing I can do about it. Laying down sometimes helps, but

I have major heartburn six out of the seven days of the week. It doesn't seem to make any difference what I eat or don't eat. It comes anyway. And over-the-counter antacids don't do much of anything, except for Tums, and

I hate Tums. It's like eating sidewalk chalk. How is that productive? It's probably the real reason why

I have psycho dreams all the time. Chris built us a house--entirely out of stone--without asking my opinion. The main feature was the bar, with all the custom shelves for each of his favorite brands of alcohol. The catch: we don't drink. Another night, I was being chased by demons. Of course, they were very polite demons who let you choose how you wanted to die. But even demons were better than the night that all the Kleenex in the world disintegrated. That was particularly troublesome because

I am completely, consistently, constantly congested. I blow my nose so many times during one day that it usually bleeds as a result. At least I don't get bloody from all the times when

I'm pummeled during the day both from the inside and the outside. My toddler is a wanna-be rock climber and my baby is destined to be a gymnast, dancer, or kickboxer. Maybe that's why

I can never sleep at night. It takes me FOREVER to fall asleep to begin with, then I wake up every time I have to roll over or adjust my pillow. It's like sleeping with a basketball filled with jello shoved up my shirt. But wait, that gelatin-filled item of sports equipment is the reason why

I am dreading another hospital visit. I can give birth, fine whatever. It hurts, yes, but then you have a baby and life is grand. But I hated staying at the hospital last time, and I really don't look forward to going back. That said, I don't think I want that mess in my house, either... Either way,

I don't like being pregnant today. I think I'll go lay down so I can breathe better...until the heartburn kicks in...then I'll eat some sidewalk chalk and call it a night.


Kate said...

I ate the "Tums Smoothies" when I was pregnant and they were a little less chalky than the others.

I remember the day Abby was born, finally being able to breathe again and it was glorious!

I think the Kleenex dream is my favorite.

Tannie Datwyler said...

Bum deal! Those days are hard. I know you said no OTC meds work for your heartburn, but I lived off of OTC Prevacid (a bit pricey, but worth it) and it worked WONDERS. Have you tried that?

Liz, Karl and Madison said...

Laura I am SO right there with you my friend. I have been so completely miserable these last few days... and we are going on vacation tomorrow. I'm a little bit worried. I'm glad you whined about all the things I was wanting to whine about and didn't. It made me feel like I vented without having to do the work (I'm too tired)

Mike said...

I just really wanted to express my appreciation that you wrote sidewalk chalk in different colors, it shows that you care.

Britta said...

Are you sure you aren't having twins? You sound twice as miserable this go around. :(