Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Lists

Warning now: This post is long.

A little background: When we were kids, my mom had a slew of April Fool's jokes she'd pulled over the years. She reset all the clocks an hour ahead and woke us up in a panic saying we were late for school. She traded all the bags in the cereal boxes so we didn't get what we thought we were getting. She switched all our clothes in the dressers--there are five girls in my family, and it took a while to sort out again which clothes belonged to whom. There was also the year when she put a brick in the bottom of our backpacks. None of us, that I remember, found them until after we'd gotten to school, so we spent an entire day carrying around a brick. That was fun.

With that in mind, it has always been hard to trick my mom. She's too good. But I got her this year. Finally.

Chris and I each sent text messages to our siblings and parents this morning saying that we just found out that I'm pregnant. Not the most thrilling trick ever, I know, but it was funny to receive all the excited congratulations, to which we promptly responded Happy April Fool's.

The real joke: I am actually pregnant. Not even kidding.

Let the record show that I finally fooled my mom.


List 1: Current Facts

I am 12 weeks along.

The baby is due on October 15 (my dad's birthday is on the tenth and Chris's twin siblings' birthday is on the 20th...hmmm...).

We found out on February 11. We have known for exactly seven weeks today.

While pregnant, I have lost five pounds and gained four. So, I have gained weight, but technically I've still only lost because I'm not passed where I started. Mostly that's because I throw up a lot.

Yes, I am still going to teach full time next year. I'll take as much maternity time as I can get with my saved up sick days, then I'll be back at school with two kids in day care.

Chris is excited, but Jane doesn't care. Yet.

We find out what we're having in June, hopefully. A boy would be nice so we could have one of each, a girl would be nice so Jane could have a sister close to her age and we can reuse all the girl baby clothes we have. Either way, I'm happy.

List 2: Yes, I was pregnant (and knew it) when...


...we went to Lisa's baby shower. I was asked if I was pregnant probably half a dozen times by Mom and sisters during the evening, and I managed to successfully evade each question. Why do you guys always ask?

...we went to family dinner at Shelley and Sean's house when Karen and Edie were in town. It was a good thing everyone was snacking on chips or I might not have made it all the way to dinner without someone noticing how sick I felt. At least I didn't throw up.

...I sang with the choir at Stake Womens' Conference. I opted to sing second soprano instead of my usual first because I have greatly decreased breath support when I'm pregnant, even at the very beginning. It turned out to be a good thing--out of the nine sisters who actually performed in the choir, I was the one and only second soprano. Go me.

...I was horribly sick a few weeks ago. No, it was not pregnancy-related, and no, it has no ill effects on the baby. Pregnancy did complicate it a bit, in that the infection I had is actually really common, but the symptoms that show up in pregnant women can be drastically different than the usual symptoms, so it took us (the doctor) a week to figure out what was going on instead of just one visit. It did also make things a lot harder since I couldn't take any cold medication to help with the bronchitis side of things.

...I went to Helga's baby shower and spent a good while talking about being pregnant. It was hard to keep everything in past tense when I had current experience I could have added...

...we went to Dalton's blessing. Conveniently, I was incredibly sick and blamed all my crappy-ness on being sick without having to say that I was pregnant. That's probably the only time I was glad to be sick. :)

...this morning when we sent out the mass text messages to everyone saying that I'm pregnant, then had a ball saying April Fool's! to everyone who responded. Thanks guys, that was fun for me.


List 3: Things I hate about being pregnant


Eating. All the time. Constantly. When nothing sounds good. Ever.

Going to the bathroom all the time. This is particularly annoying during school when I can't make from recess to recess and when I have to get up in the middle of the night. The worst getting up at night time is about thirty minutes before the alarm goes off but waiting another second really isn't an option.

Throwing up. Details to follow.

Eating all the time. Yuk.

Being tired all the time. My house is a mess and my husband is underfed because I have no energy to cook or clean when I get home from school. Sigh.

Did I mention that I hate eating all the time?


List 4: Things I like about being pregnant

In sixth months, I get a baby.

...

...

...

...Really, that's pregnancy's only redeeming quality in my eyes. At least at the moment. Maybe it will get better. Somehow, though, I doubt it.



List 5: Things that make me throw up
getting out of bed in the morning

brushing my teeth

eating (can you sense the irony?)

changing nasty diapers
wiping Jane's nose (often, this is worse for me than the diapers)

coughing (bronchitis was fun)
raw meat (see it or smell it or touch it)

having food in my mouth for too long

chewing while standing up

smells...dry erase markers, hand sanitizer, sweaty fifth graders after recess...

not eating (let the irony continue)



List 6: Requests

Lisa, can I have my maternity clothes back?

Delia, this has brought up a lot of questions in my mind that I would like to post on the Village. Are you still accepting coauthors? Somehow I doubt that you are, but it doesn't hurt to ask. If you're not, is there anyway to submit a question if you're not an author?

Michelle, if you read this, you should comment so I know you've read it.

Lisa, Deborah, Amy and Sarah, will you all stop asking me if I'm pregnant?

Everyone else, most comments given on a post like this follow this general pattern: "Congrats! I'm so excited for you!" I would like to assume the congratulations and excitement and request comments will a little more meat to them (but nothing raw), if that's not too much to ask. That's why I've given you too much information, so you'll have plenty to comment on. :)

And I promise, cross my heart and hope to die, that this is not an April Fool's joke. I've managed to mostly keep this a secret (those who see me everyday excluded) for seven weeks. I'm not very good and keeping secrets and I'm tired of keeping this one. We waited for April Fool's day for the best joke ever, now I'm done hiding. Believe me.

16 comments:

Tannie Datwyler said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

How is THAT for meat? Especially since it should flash you back to last time you told me you were pregnant.

I just have to ask. . . Don't hate me . . . Did you plan this?

Tannie Datwyler said...

More hahahaha

You don't have to answer Laura.

Chris and Laura said...

Yes we did plan it this time. And I am still glad you laughed at me the first time. Somebody had to make fun of me for how mad I was about it.

Kelly A. said...

CONGRATS!! How fun for you to have another cutie join your fam! Just an FYI-you can submit questions to the Village blog that you would like to see in posts at the Village email address. Look on the sidebar of the blog to find it.

Shantel said...

What a fun way to spill the beans! Sorry about all the sickness crap, I certainly don't miss that part...at all! Good luck!

Rebecca said...

I love that you told this on April Fools. And guess what? If you go one day early baby Wampler will be born on MY BIRTHDAY!!! :) I hope your sickness goes away soon. If you need anything let me know!!

Jess said...

you should name it after me. jess for a boy, jessie for a girl.. eh? jess wampler?

Britta said...

Can the record show that the April Fool's joke was my suggestion? I cant help but want to take part in such a great story.

Erin said...

YAY! Congrats!! I agree that I only like pregnancy because I get a baby out of it. I would rather give birth 20 times to get one baby than be pregnant. I think it would be great to have a pregnant lady write for the village.

Tannie Datwyler said...

I REALLY am happy for you! I just couldn't resist. . . besides you said you didn't want the blaise "congrats!"

Liz, Karl and Madison said...

I have to say, I really don't mind pregnancy... other then the first 3 or 4 months. I HATE being sick. So not cool. You know what I hate even more though... when your friends tell you they NEVER got sick while being pregnant! It's so not fair.

Mom said...

I am so proud! I was never so happy to be got on April Fool's Day! Everyone at my work knows what you did and are very happy that someone fooled me. Life is good!

Brenda said...

So I commend you for this joke. I'm so glad it is true though. I've been announcing it to the world, so I hope that is okay. Michael was so mad about the whole thing earlier in the day. We had this whole conversation about how it could really be true and the timing would be just about right. :)

Molly said...

I think the only benefit to pregnancy is missing your period (but you make up for that later) and being able to do it without protection with no consequences! (since apparently you already crossed that bridge...) and the last thing was at the very end being able to prop my cereal on my tummy so close to my face it was WAY easier to eat. having a handy shelf and all.
But seriously, pregnancy is absolutely no fun.
Then youhave a kid and they are...no fun. Til about 3 months.
ha ha. Congrats and best wishes!

Molly said...

I agree with Erin....I would rather "Give Birth" Than be preggers. 100%

Ben, Shauna, Cole & ? said...

I had no idea you were pregnant, until you left a comment on my blog, that made me wonder, so I had to back track on your blog, hoping you'd have said something about it! Nice way! I love the April Fools day thing, that's always the thing, is to find some fun way to tell everyone! But sorry, I'd have to disagree on the pregnancy thing, I really think it's not bad being pregnant, I love feeling the baby move, and feeling that there really is something there. And of course the baby at the end tops it all! Congrats! And good luck!