To put it mildly, having three kids is kicking my trash. Not going well.
No one likes to admit that they're not amazing, but I found it rather unavoidable for me this time. Why? I had to leave. Being with all three kids all day long was getting progressively worse day by day, and I knew we were about to hit critical mass. Bad. So, I came up with a grand plan to prevent disaster.
In short, I sent my kids away. And then I left, too.
While Chris took the girls to his parents' house in Aberdeen, Ben and I went to a hotel for Friday night. My purpose was two-fold: 1) evaluate why I want to be a mother and how I want to do it, and 2) just have a break.
When I checked into the hotel, the receptionist asked if I was there for business or pleasure. I said business. My job is being a mom, and that's what I was there to work on. Business it is.
It was quite the spiritual adventure, I must say. I prayed a lot, read a lot, and wrote a lot. I have over forty pages written in my journals just from that one night and morning.
What I learned is a different post for another day. Suffice it to say, I have a much bigger perspective on the work that I'm really doing now.
It was nice having Ben with me. One tiny baby is much, much easier to handle than a baby and a toddler and a preschooler. For the most part, he was quite content to let me do my work.
When he was awake, though, his happy smiles helped me remember that being a mom really is worth the effort.
I spent Friday night in the hotel. Saturday was a day of doing whatever I wanted. Ah, it was glorious. A few things I particularly enjoyed:
I ate an entire candy bar. All by myself. No one even asked for a bite.
I took a shower with no fear of property damage.
I left a pen on the floor and none of its ink ended up on the wall.
None of my bookmarks came out of my books.
I listened to the radio in the car and no one yelled at me because I didn't hear them talking.
I bought a Christmas present and no one saw it.
There wasn't any grand miraculous fix in just that one weekend, but I was much more ready to see the girls again come Sunday night when they came home. It will still take some time to get life how I'd really like it to be, but we're headed in the right direction now, and I know where it is I want to get. And if nothing else, I got a lot of sleep this weekend.
To those of you who already have three kids, kudos to you on surviving (hopefully better than me). Any tips you want to share? To those of you who are still headed in that direction, I wish you luck. :)
Maybe now I can get back to documenting all the fun things we've done, even during this little rough patch. Like what Chris and the girls did in Idaho. And Megan's new toddler bed. And Jane's first day of preschool--how did I miss blogging that?! Come back soon for those posts. It'll be great.
11 comments:
Good for you Laura! I have to agree adding the 3rd little one was way hard for me. I was a mess on so many levels. I was stressed, the kids were stressed, their daddy was stressed which in turn made for one VERY unhappy house hold. I had always heard the 3rd was the hardest... I just didn't think it would be THAT hard. We are finally getting to the point where I feel kind of normal again... The normalcy will come, I promise. :) Until then, lets plan a play date and then at least we can complain together.
... better yet... or as well as...I just came up with another idea. Let's do a girl night and leave the girls home with their daddies and we can take the babes out to play. Seriously. Let's do it.
Sometimes all it takes is a little break to help you refocus and see where you want to go. I have a hard time with my 2 somedays. I don't know how parents of 3 (or 4 or 5) do it. If you ever need anything, we are just down the street.
Well I will be back in a month and a half. Hopefully that will be helpful. I know if doesn't take care of the day, but good child distraction for a couple hours. I'm really good at dishes! :)
I'm so glad you were able to get away for a bit. Moms need that!! I'm just on baby #1 so I don't have much advice but to just keep doing what you're doing. You're a great mom Laura! I've always heard #3 is the hardest (both of my sisters recently had #3 and numerous friends as well) but that it does get easier over time.
I loved the candy bar comment. Funny what things we end up appreciating once we become mothers. :)
Your a good woman! I need a motherhood revival of my own, parenting is not for the faint of heart! I am excited for your post about things you learned, I am sure that I will be enlightened!
I'm so glad you had a good weekend...
I could offer you advice, but I'm not sure it would help. I think it'd be more efficacious if we talked about it. Want to come to Rigby? Kidding... sort of.
I LOVE the picture of Ben on the bed asleep - so sweet.
And yes, 3 is tricky. It wasn't as bad for me AT FIRST. Claire and Linus are older than your two and would play well together. But then I got sick and life went out the window. HORRIBLE HORRIBLE. 3 was hardest for me too, but for a different reason.
I'm so glad you were able to get away and do mommy business. It most definitely, DEFINITELY is a job. Definitely. I think Ben looks like Chris. In fact, had I not looked at the tag below Chris' baby picture in one of your previous posts, I would have thought it was Ben. Good job on your cute kids and good job surviving mommyhood!
Yes, three can be very difficult to manage. There was this point, though, when I became strong enough. It was July. Marshall was two months old. Mira kept getting fevers. I had doctor appointment after doctor appointment. And nobody who could watch my kids. No one. To top it off, I didn't have a stroller for the carseat. One trip to the ER, I walked across the hospital with the carseat in one arm and Mira in my other. That made me decide to get a Sit-N-Stand, which actually made a HUGE difference. Anyway, after that month, and a very, very bad day inolving a rude receptionist, Mira getting a blood draw, a public crying fit, and pulling a muscle in my back, I realized I survived it all, and I was stronger for it. I've never since felt like I needed someone to watch my two other kids so I could take one to the doctor. Is it preferable? Yes, but it's not a necessity like I thought it would be.
Otherwise, I make a lot of freezer meals, and I wear very-waterproof mascara and never take it off. Those are my secrets. Some days, even 16 month later and well-adjusted, I barely feel like I'm keeping my head above water. :)
Oh, and good for you for enforcing some time alone. I really want one of those days. I was thinking about it, and the only time I've had away from my kids over the last year has been for my three vein surgeries! I think I'll have another one of those soon!! ;)
That is pretty much the best idea in the whole world. We can all use some rest and recuperation time!!!!
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