For Amanda

My sister-in-law's first baby is due today. She's tired of all the questions, comments, and sympathy that come with still being pregnant. Ladies, you can relate. It has put me in mind of just a few of the obnoxious things people said to me during the last few weeks of my pregnancies, along with how I wished I had responded. Don't worry, I never actually said any of these things. I just wanted to. Pregnancy does some ugly things...

#5

"Haven't you had that baby yet?"

"You're as fat as I am. Where's your baby?"

#4

"With that shirt on, you don't really look pregnant."

"With those pants on, you look really fat, too."

#3

"Rub the buddha!"

Just start rubbing their face. Then maybe they'll get the idea of personal boundaries.

#2

"Just hang in there. You're almost done."

"Shut up or I'll break your face."

Ok, really, I never had a good comeback to this one. But it drove me crazy when people said it.

And finally,

#1

"You're pregnant? 

You do know how that happens, right?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

How would you respond to that? 10,000 points to the person who gives me the best retort.

And yes, someone actually said that to me. A mother, even. Maybe it took her longer to figure out...