My Miracle that is Absolutely Worth All the Crap of the Last Year

Benjamin Ryan

20 lbs 14 oz

21%

30 inches

58%

still tall and skinny

I am floored by how much Ben can already do when he's only a year old. For example...

Words

daddy

hi

grandpa

see ya later

juice

YES

Yes was his first word and continues strongly as his favorite word. Quite refreshing really from the traditional favorite toddler word.

And yes, I said it--TODDLER. Yesterday afternoon while at Amy's house warming party, Ben took his first steps. Yesterday evening when we were home, he took more steps. Way, way more steps. And he just keeps going. Unbalanced and unstable and uncoordinated, but walking nonetheless.

Videos to be posted whenever I manage to find my camera...

Lucky for all of you, I already downloaded all the fabulous pictures from his birthday party pre-lost camera.

We had quite the turnout for such a little person.

Presents were entertaining. I helped him get the first few rips going, then he took it from there.

Though he apparently did not like the chaos of ripped paper, so he put it back. Pretty much every time.

No surprise, the best part of the party was the cake. Seriously.

Grandma Janet provided the real cake, thoroughly enjoyed by all. Nice memories, too--it was the same kind of cake as our wedding cake. Ah, good times.

For the younger folk with smaller hands (and mouths), we prepared this deliciousness as well.

Happy Birthday to my little boy!

Let's celebrate for real, huh?

Yes, I gave him an entire cake. Haven't done that with any of my other kids--girls, I'll make it up to you.

Happy Birthday Ben! Love you, bud.

Part VI: An Anniversary I Never Wished For

Ben turned one last Friday. My intention all along had been to post all about him on his birthday, then wait a day or two to post my other feelings of the day after he'd had his own spotlight.

It's four days later and I haven't posted anything yet.

I feel somewhat selfish for it, but I am rethinking my strategy and have decided to write my own part first. I've realized that it's too hard to pretend my trauma never happened, even if only for a day. I am eternally grateful that Benjamin Ryan is a part of our family, but the circumstances of that day will forever be a black mark in my past that can never be completely erased.

This is the image that comes to mind when I think of that Wednesday morning.

I laid naked on a table for twenty minutes. Everything below that blue sheet was left exposed when the doctor disappeared to deliver someone else's baby. The nurses wouldn't cover me up because they had already sterilized the incision site and didn't want to waste more iodine--they said the doctor would be right back anyway.

Twenty minutes is closer to infinity than right back.

There were half a dozen medical personnel in the room at the time, half of whom were male. They milled about the room as if I wasn't even there, despite the fact that my integrity was comprised and my body was completely at the mercy of others. With a spinal block already in full effect, I had no ability to move to protect or cover myself in any way, and all protests from Chris were ignored or casually brushed aside. To top it all off, the large double doors were propped open and any person who happened to walk down the hall had just as clear a view as anyone in the room.

This is the event that I had blocked out of my mind shortly after it happened. I didn't remember anything about it at all until late October, almost two months later. It was this memory that finally convinced me to seek professional therapy, which I have done every week since then, continuing on even now.

What an insanely stupid thing to experience.

I'm not sure why today is the today for this to come out, but I have learned that when I am ready to write something, it's best to write it and then get it out where others will read it. The sooner I get it out in the open air (or air waves), the sooner its power over me is released. So, now you know.

*~*~*~*~*

I wrote that last Tuesday. I just about killed me to type it all out, and then I decided I didn't want to be on the computer anymore right then, so I saved my draft and shut the computer down. I then spent all day Wednesday packing for camping, and all day Thursday, Friday and Saturday camping. It was grand--hilarious post to come soon, full of requisite inside jokes. I also have all kinds of fun and amazing things to post about Benjamin, including his birthday which I am now over a week behind in posting. Sorry bud! All told, those were excellent ways to avoid writing.

But, this much was already written. So for now, I'm going to post this and just be done. Then we can move on with happier things in life.

Water Works

I am terribly impressed with how much Tannie does to make life fun for her kids. She is the kind of mom I aspire to be. Thank you, Tannie, for being such a good example to me and such a good friend!

While we were in Idaho, we took every chance we had to spend time with the Datwylers. Lucky for us, Claire has quite an assortment of differently sized swimming suits so all girls could be properly attired even though we didn't come prepared.

Ben and Deirdre contented themselves with a bucket of water. Well, Ben did. As long as Deirdre wasn't trying to climb into the bucket.

The older boys entertained themselves instead with construction. Much more entertaining, I hear.

We continued the water fun on Pioneer Day with Grandma Karrie. We didn't have any fun holiday plans, especially since Chris was working. To make up for that, we planned on a spontaneous trip to the new splash pad in Cottonwood Heights.

They have a pretty cool set up there, including a fun playground just for little kids. Jane thoroughly enjoyed the teeter-totter.

Ben, on the other hand, was less impressed.

Jane braved the big kid playground, too.

Megan was a little less adventurous, though she did have just as much fun.

It's even better with an apple.

Hearty Congratulations to All!

Years worth of college certainly deserves a trip to Idaho! Congratulations to Amanda on earning her degree from BYU-Idaho.

Can you see her? She's right...there. No, there. Oh. Well, just wave at all of them and then you can tell Amanda that you waved at her at graduation.

Here, this picture is a little more clear.

It was a delightful trip up to Rexburg, visiting with the family and even sneaking away for a bit to hang with the Datwylers--those pictures coming soon (hint, hint Tannie)!

Graduation was, per tradition, long and boring. We left our kids with Tannie, but at least Ivan was still around to keep us entertained. Books and iPods were also helpful. I am very excited for Amanda to be graduated and I wish her the best of luck in her career as a veterinary technician!

The pre-graduation barbeque was quite nice, despite Craig's near-death experience on the trampoline and a little bit of cousin rivalry.

Upon our return, we celebrated Bill and Morgan's FIRST anniversary. Congratulations to you both!

Fireworks were certainly in order, seeing as how they were legal and all. I only took pictures of the sparklers this time--thanks again, Wendi and Tony!

Correction: I didn't take any pictures of fireworks per se, but I did take pictures of the result of one particular firework that exploded out the wrong end when it was lit.

Yep, lucky Amy got hit in the face with a firework.

Ice and painkillers seemed to make her a lot happier by the end of the night, though we all felt it was prudent for Chase to leave work early to come pick her up.

Update of this morning--pretty nasty burn spreading over her nose, eyelid, and even on her eyeball, but nothing that requires serious medical attention.

Way to be, man. Good job keeping the night interesting.

Oh my goodness, we're so funny

We can't be funny before we go camping.

Don't write that down, that wasn't funny.

Sometimes I'm so cool that I don't even know.

I was right? I'm never right when I make things up.

Those weren't real leaves, they were dream leaves.

I am sharing my insight even though I don't have a Plymouth.

They can be funny now 'cause they're not going camping.

It's like an exorcism of gnats.

Camping. Camping attracts gnats.

Why do they only come to me?

They don't. You just whine about it louder.

Is that the rule of the crack? You can look and see if you like it?

I'm picking bugs off you like a monkey.

I just snorted a bug. It'll fly around in my brain now.

That was like ninja speed gnat killing.

10! 10! Wild! Wild! Oh my gosh.

I don't care if my kids eat dirt [or drink lake water]. I just don't want them to get it on me.

If you weren't so far behind, you'd be winning.

And, break! Oh, They already left.

Hey, Laura, we're really funny but it seems to only be us.

I hit my funny bone but I hit it awkwardly so it's really not that funny.

Mud. Mud. Mud.

You're lumpy.

I got a bug bite on my elbow. What fresh hell is this?

Oops, I just kicked a dog.

Why are we funny at night? We are so funny at night.

I'm going to take this in case we're funny.

Our cracks are smaller.